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saint ambrose
14 August 2014 @ 07:29 pm
My wait for her return was inundated with simultaneous reluctance and excitement. Naturally, I was fascinated and overwhelmed by the knowledge of her existence, that there were certainly more like her, and most importantly, that she chose me. I was profoundly vigilant at night as I subtly studied the people around me, wondering if they might be one of them. I'd gone from living in a sort of numb state of ennui to being thrust into a situation as dangerous as it was magical. Of course I wasn't oblivious to the risk involved in the situation. I knew well enough that she could very possibly kill me, which is why I felt reluctant about her return, enticing though that promise was. I don't think I ever quite feared death. I'd had a close encounter with it before, and I was comfortable enough with my relationship with God that I could have accepted it. But I was still young, and had so much left to do. I still felt I had something to contribute musically, I needed to see more of the world, I wanted to love someone passionately.

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After working on this one for the better part of two months and it still not being good enough to see the light of day, I finally just got tired of looking at it and posted it anyway. Fuck it.
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